DNC Blowing It Out Their Asses - Again!

I just couldn’t resist.

Such a fine graphic - and from one of my favorite sites: Watts Up With That?

I have nothing whatsoever to say tonight. Rats.

Well, I could say that I have a severe case of diarrhea. I apparently OD’ed on my Metformin again, and it’s responded by hosing out my GI tract. I sit down and pass quarts of water. Sorry if that’s TMI.

I’ve thought about this diabetes thing and decided it’s not for me. I’m gonna resign and see if I can get at least part of my entry fee back. No, wait…

This is the second balloon-armchair guy to go way up in a balloon-powered lawn chair.

Here is some strange porn. It’s oily porn, with swords.

Hitting The Broad Side Of A Barn!

By God - I’m this close! *Visualize two fingers separated by the thickness of a ‘RCH’*

Yea verily! I have met the enemy and he is a dirtbag! I faced him on the open battlefield - checkbook and promises of a no-hassle closing wielded with a will! I need a bath and a fresh set of scruples. You wouldn’t believe the lengths I went to to get some leverage on the buyer. A lesser man would be ashamed. I - on the other hand - am simply … grim.

Things are tense! Seems the guy who holds title to the land that - by rights and tradition - should be mine anyway has gone and entertained the offer of a lesser personage. A mere homeowner (!), of no family or repute, that (sniff) has a mortgage. Harrumph!

Well, there’s more than one way to skin a goose until the cream floats to the top. I proceeded to pound the table, tear my bald spot, and ‘Waaaa!’ unmercifully until - finally - I gave in and upped my offer to a number very close to what he was asking - the swine. I am definitely gonna fart in his general direction when this is over.

Problem is, the seller does not have to accept my offer, and, if accepted, the other (sniff) buyer has three days to meet or beat my offer, or step away gracefully. The other (sniff) buyer needs to sell their home first, so I’m good there. Question is: is my offer high enough? Will the seller opt for a quick no-hassle close - with a dab of sub rosa payola slipped in? I also promised him I would keep Fred the Horse Fondler away from his hogs if he would decide quickly.

It gets harder and harder to browbeat folks into submission every day!

Meanwhile, at ScienceDaily - where the journalists constantly ask themselves, “Huh?” - there is a new article about something or the other. Here’s the photo:

Oh, yeah! Now I remember. Seems that blobs of interstellar gas - which are normally blob-shaped - get squished around and flattened as they pass near black holes. The fierce gravitational forces of the black hole squish the gas into a pancake shape and then roll it into a cigar shape, before finally powdering it with cornflakes and sending it on its way with a playful swat on the ass.

Ah! And Pravda - a word synonymous with Merde! - has a lovely photo essay on jewelry. Check this out:

Check it out! Its blue! It’s shiny! And there’s more here.

And now - the piece of resistance - or however you say that Fwench phrase. Ze smut, mssr.

You Have Flies In Your Eyes!

Drew458 over at Barking Moonbats Early Warning System is covering for me while I recover from the trauma of finding three ticks on that magnificent machine that is my bod. Meanwhile, here is important information for you who planned on celebrating Arbor day but missed it.

Hey! That’s a fly’s eye - as I’m sure everyone knows from the high school science courses they skipped. I borrowed the photo from here - rather than waste long minutes of my time taking a better photo. No sense embarrassing the researcher.

One fact I’m sure all of you don’t know: no one has ever been able to teach a fly to do anything! Did you know that?

Yep. Scientists and circus performers throughout the ages have managed to teach damned near every critter on earth to do their bidding. but not the fly.

And I know why.

The reason a fly will not learn is because every human they see looks like this to a fly:

It’s no wonder they’re so hard to hit.

Now boys and girls, this is a product everyone should enjoy! I’m thinking of giving them away as party favors!

I especially like the Users Manual, which has interesting entries in it like:

Problem: “The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What’s wrong?”

Solution: Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the “Dietary Concerns” section of this manual.

Here is some porn.

Peter Pan’s Secret Lair Is Inside Earth!

Scientists think the earth is filled with chewy goodness and peanuts! The whole article is here - at LiveScience - where the information runs at 220VAC and has no safety interlock.

“Imagine a pot of water boiling,” explains researcher Allen McNamara of Arizona State University, sipping his beer and then passing out.

He - unfortunately - never continued with his explanation.

Lets move on to Science daily, where - during the war - the journalists collaborated with the Lilliputians. Here is a more complex explanation for all that stuff I didn’t mention above:

It seems the early solar system - like the earth that didn’t exist back then - was mucho complicated and looked a lot like a flush after I’ve taken one too many Metformin.

Ya see - it’s a lot clearer with photos!

Now for a review of what has been learned:

a) Very few scientists float when dropped from helicopters,

b) Early planetary formation very much resembled what occurs inside my small intestine on a regular basis.

c) Blog posts need not make any sense whatsoever.

Here’s some porn.

Out Of Town Again!!

A rare bird - looks like a bald eagle - is slated to get a Titanium Schnoz, as reported by Science Daily - where dedicated journalists stick their noses where the sun don’t shine - so you don’t have to! They can call the bird Jaws! No, wait! Its from Science-Reuters - where science is just one big social agenda item!

I will be out of town Monday thru Wednesday of this week. My stack of “properties to look at and reject out-of-hand” has grown again, and I need to freshly manipulate (the technical term is ‘fuck with’) that asshole seller that still won’t meet my price on my 40 acres that he happens to have title to.

But I will take my laptop (with an external mouse this time!) so I can not post for no reason.

See ya Wednesday.

Oh! here:

Make your own! Here!

Meanwhile, here’s some smut.

Update! : I knew it! I knew that the sound I heard this morning was a li’l earthquake! It lasted too long to be anything else - except maybe a thermonuclear explosion. And it couldn’t be a TnE because I wasn’t glowing! okbai!

I live near O’Fallon, BTW.

Circumcision: It’s Not For Pussies, Y’know!

Yes, boys and girls, that’s real bird dung on the rim of that rooftop. Horrifying, isn’t it?

Back when I worked for a living - before that fateful day I got old - I used to piddle around with a bit of solid-state physics. Y’know - just every once in a while ,to change the pace. A set of fully-scripted Ebers-Mole equations - or the Shickman-Hodges set for field-effect transister behavior - and a cute little poontang with an appetite sitting on my lap was all I needed to satisfy my simple needs. Those were the simple times.

Anyway, one day it happened: some of us guys wondered - the way guys always wonder - what minimum number of atoms (including dopants and interconnects) were unavoidably necessary if one was going to make the smallest possible bipolar junction transister.

We never figured it out - mainly because at the time we were drunk to the point of physical incapacitation, and stuffed with pizza to the point of physical illness at one of my boss’s Fuck-This-Shit-Its-Friday gatherings at the Olympic Pizza that used to be on upper Greenville in Dallas. Their hamburger ‘n jalapeños pizza was famous for burning your entire alimentary canal both coming and going!

Well, here it is:

The whole article is here - at New Scientist - where the science flows like wine!

I’m gonna “paint” that thing so you can more clearly see the actual device:

See! There’s the little fucker! Yeah - I know - its a FET structure, not a bipolar device, but who’s counting?

It’s arguable where the top gate wire starts and the actual Gate structure ends, since the Gate is just metal in proximity to the D-S structure. But that’s only common sense.

I count about 45 atoms. That falls well into the scientific category of “Itty-bitty”.

Now, how about this photo:

I think that is the Illinois river that’s there in his front yard. Got the photo from over at Newsbusters. - where the Liberals and MSM are always wincing!

And the above is … well … it’s for what ails ya!

So is this!

Prostituting Myself - For A Good Cause!

Check this out!

Uh-huh! Oh, yeah!

Did it make your pulse quicken? C’mon! Be honest - did you take one friggin’ look at that graphic and think, “Oh! Boy! Holy Shit! Hot diggity damn!”?

How ’bout this one?

How’s your respiration rate now? Up a bit? Aw! - Your ass! - You know you’re breathin’ like you just ran the 2-minute mile! That up there is a classic! The best one.

Tell me true, reader - Is your butt now scooched up to the edge of your seat? Are you hunched over your keyboard close to the monitor - that wonderful technological marvel that will - you fervently hope - once again deliver you from your hum-drum existance to a world of darkness, of eerie journeys and rotund uniformed diners, of Goths …and toes.

A world where there are Waitresses That Know?

Did a fine sheen of perspiration drooble out of your skin pores just now?

Look at this:

Is the ol’ pump thumpin’ good ‘n hard now? Are you excited?

And this? What does this do to your libido?

Are you sitting there in anticipatory delight - relishing another outstanding wee-hour adventure with - harrumph! - moi?

Gettin’ a li’l intellectual wood yet? Like Pavlov’s puppies - are you salivating bodily fluids yet?

Well, suffer.

Ya see, it can’t possibly happen unless the Stashiu fund grows a bit more.

Round numbers are good. I’d like to see a nice, round number in that Amazon thingy. I like lots of trailing zeros.

As the immortal Bard once said, “It’s just wafer-thin.” No, wait…

Oh! I can promise you a Triumph Deluxe - should I be - er, shall we say - persuaded - to once again don my Fucking-with-Goths attire and accessories (I got a new set of table-teeth from Texas!) and and once again Count Toe so-to-speak amongst the heathen.

It’s up to you, gentle reader. It’s all up to you. All you have to do is go here, and hit the li’l bitty Amazon thingy over there to the right.

Hit it like you’d hit a Goth! Smack the crap outa it.

You know you will. It is your destiny.

Ooooh! There’s a bonus, too.

Heh.

C’mere.

Closer.

Now just click on this.

Roger Waters’ Pig Loose! DNC Cry, ‘Fowl’! RNC Cry, ‘It’s A Swine, You Idiots!’

The famous Pink Floyd Pig - a standard accessory at all PF and PF-member concerts - got away from handlers and just floated away the other day! They still haven’t found it.

* Now how hard can it be to find a 2-story tall, 2-school bus wide pig-shaped balloon? *

The whole article is here - at BreitBarts - where everyone is comfortably numb!

And now a word from our sponsor - me.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

UPDATE: It’s not too late! The donations are still coming in!

I think now know we at Aardvarks & Asshats can do a bit better than “just” the Moronosphere in raising bucks - the ol’ moola, sheckles, payola - and most importantly - Escudos!, for Stashiu and his adopted kids!

I mean, if ya got time to slobber over porn, then ya got time to donate a few bucks. yes?

So who’s with me? Go here and hit the Amazon thingy to the right.

Hard - like you mean it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Meanwhile - here is some of the ol’ sleazy-stuff, the real grubby, the nasty!

In other words - have some porn. And may your digestive efforts be rewarded with success.

It’s Cleaning Day On McGoo’s PC! DNC Runs For Cover!

Time to clean out the ol’ A&A folder, so put on your athletic supporter and take your meds:

They are thawing out the largest Colossal Squid ever - 1000 lb - in New Zealand somewhere, prior to doing detailed dissections on it. The article tells all!

Next - we have a Norwegian effort to develop a nicotine vaccine:

The full article is here - at Reuters - which should either be pronounced Rooters, or spelled Royters , dammit! Fucking Euro-names.

Next: I will give you one guess as to what happened here, and what did it:

That is about the funniest thing since sliced bread. No, wait…

The thing I really think is neat about it is the precision and accuracy - the timing - of the slices by the offending aircraft propeller! Notice the spacing between slices hardly changes all the way from the tail to the back of the passenger compartment. Now that must have been a razor-sharp prop and a seriously powerful engine.

Well! Thank goodness we cleared up that confusion. I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that when they are open again it’ll be because they are no longer closed. I know its a stretch…

I forgot where I got the alien plant artwork. But it sure is neat.

So is this one:

That green hand kinda spoils it in a dumb Shreck-ish cartoon way.

The above photo is - yes I can safely say - it’s strange. So there.

Here is one that’s not so strange:

No - wait. Yes it is. It is as strange as the other one, truth be told. My bad.

I don’t remember if I used this before. I know I’ve wanted to for a long time.

The above is a bedbug - by Reuters again, of course.

Below is my last funny food photo.

Those things were a hoot ‘n a half! I wish I remembered where I got ‘em.

I just got this from the FAIL web site. Look it up yourself, lazy! Oh - jeez. OK. Here. Its a WordPress blog, so it’ll stay in the fambly anyway.

Here is another squid-themed FAIL photo:

Now the pacifier thingy below is funny:

The photo below is strange, too.

Is … is that … is that the sin that shall not be named? Or is it just one of those other sins that aren’t mentioned loudly in polite company?

Here …whew! That was work …here is some smut.

A Serious Post - For Once

This is direct copied from doublepludundead’s blog - because he said I could! Harrumph!

I think we at Aardvarks & Asshats can do a bit better than “just” the Moronosphere in raising bucks - the ol’ moola, sheckles, payola - and most importantly - Escudos!, for Stashiu and his adopted kids!

I mean, if ya got time to slobber over porn, then ya got time to donate a few bucks. yes?

So who’s with me? Go here and hit the Amazon thingy to the right.

Hard - like you mean it.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

April 28, 2008

a friend in need

On Sunday I asked for your prayers for a friend, noting that I would likely have more details in the week, and indeed I do. As I’m sure most of you know, I watch over the Moronosphere with a close eye, and was shocked to see this post at our friend Stashiu’s, early this weekend.

For a little background on Stash, he served honorably in the Army for 24 years, most of that time was spent as a psychiatric nurse, some of you may remember Stashiu’s multi-part interview at Patterico’s Pontifications, where he spoke about his time as a Psychiatric Nurse at Guantanamo Bay. He’s always been a good source and unique perspective on issues of terrorist detainees and detention policy, particularly with Guantanamo.

Stashiu is the proud father of two adopted daughters. Unfortunately, Stash later found that the lawyer who was supposed to square away all the legal paperwork for the adoption didn’t quite get it right, so he has to now backtrack with new lawyers to get things right and finally seal the deal. The process is costing Stash and his family a king’s ransom.

The tough financial situation and worry over the prospect of losing his two daughters is unsurprisingly starting to wear him down and take a toll on his health. Several people have been in contact with him over the weekend and suggested he start up a donation account. Stash now has an Amazon account, the Amazon widget should appear on his right sidebar, if you can help, it would be a wonderful thing. Even if you don’t have the financial means to offer any any help, offer him your prayers and best wishes. Stash is a damn good guy, a good father and has given over two decades of service to our nation, let’s see what we can do to can help him.

And I posted this funny food - well - just because.