- I’m Outa Here! -

Seeing that plane, Bert idly wondered just how many members of the committee also had short, limp dicks – and no spine.

This latest news is the final straw, I guess. I’m so disgusted I’m trembling and my stomach is cramping. That ain’t normal.

I’m taking an extended break from blogging. I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Thanks for all the hits and comments, folks.

O’Bologna: Not Just Your Ordinary Wiener Of A President!

I can’t post the graphic: It’s too fucking cool to steal!

Anyone else besides me notice Stoaty’s gotten even better since she got all hitched and Englified? I blame Badger – and all that clotted cream he’s been feeding her!

Blondes! Gotta Love “Em!

And:

And:

Holy Sheep Shit! There’s A Ring Around Saturn!

NASA’s Spitzer Space Telescope happened to be looking out there – probably checking out the Saturnian Space Twattage – and accidentally focused outward whilst engaging the Tripartite Stellar Pramis Filter.

Anyway – the fucking thing is bigger’n Jupiters schlong! It’s huge! They should call it, “Saturn’s Cock-Ring”.

At least, that’s what Yahoo Science says right here. But we know how those numbfucks lie and lie and lie….

Meanwhile, this is another strange photo I’ve had in my WP file for quite a while. No caption occurs to me.

Moon Smack Coming! O’Bugger Vows To Raise Taxes On Epileptics!

NASA is going to smack the shit out of the south pole of the Moon to see if ice is there!

…And McGoo cried out that fateful day, “This is the pudding shot!”, and then blew his blood sugar all to shit!

The whole story is here - at Discover Magazine – which hasn’t pissed me off quite yet, but probably will in the near-future.

Bert has always liked what he referred to as The Boob.

(Note: thank Gak I finally found a use for that cute li’l picture. I’ve had it for 1-2 months.)

Speaking of Gak:

That is a guy.

(I’ve become more alert in recent weeks.)

I ask: what possible reasoning – what thought train – what amazing and unbelievable sequence of events – resulted in the attire and situation depicted.

BTW: Enas Yorl sent me that strange photo above a week or two ago. I bet he was trying to stun me into oblivion – just for fun, the devil!

Bert had no idea what lurked behind him – ready to pounce.

Few people were aware that the dancers were actually spelling out – in Cyrillic -  the message, “Eat shit, fucktards!”

Brussels Sprouts – And Polydimensional Re-Mapping Via The Schwarz–Christoffel Transform

I was over at the Innertube Cousins’ place yesterday – attending to thousands of things of importance, when – suddenly! – Muffy the Tower Bitch served me Brussels sprouts!

Now understand, I have always liked BS’s. They’re tasty and kinda cute. Like itty-bitty cabbages, they are! But these were especially tasty.

Later last night and this morning I wanted some more. And it was shopping day, so I bought a bag ‘o them.

Now I know how to cook and eat buttloads of BS’s!

This is a good thing. Another good thing is that this below is how they grow! Who the fiddly-fuck knew they grew like that? I always pictured just a flat field of mini-cabbages – millions of ‘em.

They grow on stalks!

They make me think of Triffids or Body Snatchers or sumpin.

Bulbous, they are. Makes me wary….

BTW: if my typing is worse than usual, it’s because something is blocking the monitor from my view.

This:

Her name is Snooch, for the moment. She is a handful. I may keep her. I was toying with some variation on the name Dirty Sanchez for obvious reasons, but nothing has jelled yet. Or gelled, either.

…and the tiger thought to itself, “Ah! A bit of oriental cuisine would go down quite nicely about now!”

Once again, Yoshi’s secret Watermelon Distraction Defense ploy worked flawlessly!

I’m celebrating a bit. You wouldn’t know it to see me because it’s all inside, but I’m quite happy at the moment:

I have had no insulin in 24 hours, had two carefully prepared meals (including the wonderful one that Muffy the Tower Bitch served me yesterday), and my blood sugar has not gone above 144.

This is unprecedented – and hasn’t happened before either!

I’ll tell you what else is unprecedented – I haven’t taken a wee in 4 hours.

I blame Bush.

Just A Reminder Or Two …

Dr. Dave mentioned pointy tits in a comment and that reminded me of this – the original – Space Twat photo I posted nearly two years ago.

No one has ever properly explained the photo.

I’d like to think she’s a young researcher – medicine, or psychology perhaps – or an ACORN social worker in Chicago about to incite some graft or corruption.

Or just maybe she’s a personal aide to Biden.

Meanwhile I have real news.

A kitten was bestowed upon me today by my cousin the Tower Bitch. It was stuck in a WAN portal and was obscuring a protocol … or sumpin. Anyway, rather than just toss it off the top of a tower, she gave it to me with instructions to boil it with ‘taters.

It has a – no shit – heart-shaped black patch on either side of it’s otherwise white torso. I mean, really! I’m a bit worried that it might threaten my masculine image, but I can always wring its neck and post the video to regain my manly image – yes?

Later, when it’s settled down, I’ll try to photograph it.

This above is a Space Twat Dog. They eat concrete.

Initially, Jill didn’t even realize she was hurt. Only later would the extent of her injuries be fully known – and by then it would be too late.

After serious contemplation, Bert tentatively decided that – yes – if this level of service continued he would probably tip the waitress fairly handsomely.

Oh! I forgot!

Here’s a Public Service Announcement I’ve been forgetting to do for quite some time.

Just a reminder:

The above is an Aardvark.

Below is an Asshat!

Not to be confused with this lovely asshat!