There seems to be some serious debate on the web about the merits and rankings of the various Ninja techniques out there.
The above – a demonstration of the Retarded Squirrel offensive posture – indicates the serious nature of this discussion. It is supposedly unbeatable except by the exotic Crapping The Damp Sponge defense.
Historically, the Ninja studied Kung Fu and other martial arts in the hopes of being able to kick much ass with little effort. Usually they were successful – especially against white Westerner idiots.
Check out this ancient painting:
This act is called Wanking the trouser snake. The details of the actual act have been lost in antiquity.
These are Ninja sponges in their natural habitat:
Below are the latest class in Fred Fong’s Ninja School and Emporium of Pain:
And this is a novice – futilely practicing “Crapping the Damp Sponge” within the confines of a protective dumpster. He’ll probably hurt himself – and his reproductive organs.
And here’s the sponge he’s trying to – uh – pass:
The muse was upon me, so I didn’t find any porn. So Deal.
No – wait. Here’s some. I think. I didn’t look. Yes I did. Ew.
Try these.
Tags: Antibiotics, Pyrotechnics
February 15, 2008 at 5:52 pm
Everyone should notice the “No shit sammich” link I put up there at the top of the blog for no particular reason.
February 15, 2008 at 6:10 pm
Spongebob is not happy being without Patrick Star.
February 15, 2008 at 8:12 pm
I had to look up Patrick Star. Does that tell you something about my working knowledge of parenthood?
February 15, 2008 at 9:07 pm
I got to meet one of the artists for spongebob. He’s waaay ghey NTTAWWT.
He actually came to my aunt’s house for Thanksgiving (he was dating/hooking up? with my cousin) and I got him to draw all the characters from Spongebob for me. It was way cool.
February 15, 2008 at 10:05 pm
Spongebob. My kids like him. I don’t get him….nah, I think I just find him annoying.
February 15, 2008 at 10:19 pm
That’s neat, p-m.
You remind me I once met an Olympic gymnast at a party. She did a squatting somersault right there in the room for me without taking up more than about 3-peoples-worth of room or making a sound. Other folks in the room didn’t even know she did it. It was so totally and quietly impressive…
Truly talented people are interesting to meet.
February 15, 2008 at 10:35 pm
She did a squatting somersault right there in the room
Did she fart?
I used to work at a chiropractic office and I would always crack up because everytime the doctor adjusted the little old ladies they’d always rip one.
I refuse to have an adjustment just for that reason.
February 16, 2008 at 12:55 am
Wanking the trouser snake. Used to walk around with this little palm sized flashlight in my pocket. Shaped like a fish. Squeeze it and the lightbulb in it’s mouth would light up. So you coyly sidle up to someone suspected of having a sense of humor and whisper “Hey, uh, wanna see my pocket trout?” Hours of entertainment and only one restraining order.
…? … ? … PM… “Did she fart” would have been among the LAST questions I’d have asked but I’m a testosterone-poisoned male. Now that you’ve said that, however, all the other questions I would have asked just blew away.
And for the record, PM, my daughter (5 yrs) and I are envious enough to barf – we watch SBSP together all the time.
Yes, Steamboat, truly talented people are interesting. I went to an olympic water polo training camp for a weekend back in the 80’s. I got to meet Joe Vargas and Jody Campbell, Vargas was a driver and Campbell was the goalie for the US team.
Campbell could, without trying hard at all, and using only his legs, come out of the water nearly to his waist and just HANG OUT there. His eggbeater kick was that strong. It was intimidating as hell. So he says something to the effect that if any of us could score on him, he’d buy dinner.
I had McDonald’s that night on the way home, super-sized my fries, diet coke. No idea what JC had beyond a good laugh.
- LK
Oh yeah… if y’all would, could you please mosey on over and give comment/crits on a logo I worked up? Watching sweasel with the artwork got me inspired to try a focused project with a goal in mind and came up with this: http://lemurking.wordpress.com
(Post titled: A New World for the Something-or-Other)
February 16, 2008 at 7:10 am
That very well may be a loufa he’s trying to crap out. Good luck crapping out a loufa, ya freakin’ novice. Hahaha, fool.
BTW–I know the guy that does the voice of Spongebob. Good guy, very funny. He may or may not own a loufa.
February 16, 2008 at 7:35 am
Only a perve would try to crap a loufa! I bet he is one!
Reminds me of the line from the book Silence of the Lambs said by the inmate next to Hannibal (to Starling with respect to her bowel movements):
“Does it come out loooonnnggg?”
I’ve never forgotten that line for some reason.
Is the Squarepants guy teh ghay like the character supposedly is?
February 16, 2008 at 9:17 am
Is the Squarepants guy teh ghay like the character supposedly is?
I’m always amused by people saying that about Spongebob. If they do that then they need to discuss Bugs Bunny. No character kisses more people of the same sex and cross dresses as much as he does.
Oh and what about his diaper fetish? Ever seen him in that stroller with the pacifier? That’s pervy right there.
February 16, 2008 at 9:18 am
PM… “Did she fart” would have been among the LAST questions I’d have asked but I’m a testosterone-poisoned male. Now that you’ve said that,
What? That was a turn off?
February 16, 2008 at 9:31 am
Not a turn-off! I just got swamped with comments – both sending of and receiving of. Then I forgot.
Naw – the gymnast didn’t fart. Pity. She just squatted down where she was in the room next to me, leaped silently up into the air, rotated heels over head, and then came down to the same squatting position. It was so smooth and silent and … seemingly low-energy effortless … that it was stunning. She didn’t even thump heavy when she landed. Light as a feather.
If you had been behind her and facing away, you would have never known she even moved.
February 16, 2008 at 9:36 am
…And I’ve never actually watched Squarepants. I’m not sure I could even identify him. But I always figured that Bugs Bunny had the panache to get away with anything.
The naivete of old bachelors knows no bounds….
February 16, 2008 at 10:18 am
Oh I hope it didn’t sound like I was biatching. I’m just playing. I have to keep myself, sane, er uh, yeah sane.
February 16, 2008 at 10:23 am
Nope. I’d ignore bitchin’.
‘Cause I can!
February 16, 2008 at 1:14 pm
PJ Momma – uh, yeah… kinda. It ranks up there with chicks chewin’ and doing things like plugging one side of their nose while they blow somethin’ out of it on the ground. It’s not so much the act as the context. Here’s this (apparently) HIGHLY limber – and one can only imagine she’s a hottie – and the idea of letting loose with an underwear-ripper kind of yanks the cool factor down to sub-basement levels.
Steamboat’s account of the encounter makes for max-cool and in most guy’s eyes he gets extra points on his Man Card for the telling of it and the envy of men everywhere.
Ok, so I have issues.
On to SpongeBob. As you’d expect from a sponge, he’s squishy. I suspect he’s as queer as a three-dollar bill. But, Plankton is a riot (he shares my dreams of world domination and the utter lack of ability to see it through). And my daughter is too young to know the diff.
Bugs Bunny… he’s like the Paul Lynde of the cartoon world. He could do anything and make it funny. As rabbits are wont to do, I imagine he’s sitting in his rocker surrounded by 2,893,245 grand-rabbits. Elmer on the other hand…
Thank you for the crits. I have posted the B&W with scaling. Nice input and very effective. Now it will make a great watermark for other nefarious things. Wife said that Lemurati sounded kind of sinister (rolls eyes).
- LK
(sorry about the long posts – but it is part of my nature – I cannot say just a little once I decide to open my mouth)
February 16, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Steamboat – the post was ok, they were thumbnails. Click on them.
February 16, 2008 at 2:35 pm
PJ Momma – uh, yeah… kinda. It ranks up there with chicks chewin’ and doing things like plugging one side of their nose while they blow somethin’ out of it on the ground
So you’re saying you don’t find me attractive?
That whole “air hankie” description just made me laugh so hard!
February 16, 2008 at 3:01 pm
Talk about hacking up a hairball…’air hankie’…
Your thread topic should have been ‘Blowing out a booger ball’, McGoo.
Had a neighbor do that once while I was talking to him. Thought I was going to GAK right next to his wad of goo. Heh…I said goo in reference to boogers….HEY….*eyes McGoo suspiciously*
February 16, 2008 at 3:54 pm
LK – well don’t I feel like an ass.
Air hankie (hanky?)!!! I love it. I have always called that “sailoring” simply because the only time I have witnessed that disgusting act is in downtown St. Louis – where I saw a sailor (white dress/cap/etc) walking down the sidewalk, move over to the curb, pause, put his finger to the side of his nose, and …blow.
The image is ingrained in me. Talk about GAK…
No! We’re not those McGoos! No, no,no. Different branch entirely.
McGoos don’t Air Hankie.
February 16, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Oh that’s right. I spelled “hanky” wrong didn’t I? What a goof.
February 16, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Here it is. The answer to all our questions.
February 16, 2008 at 6:46 pm
Well I didn’t mean to scare everyone away….
February 16, 2008 at 7:34 pm
mcGOO: “well don’t I feel like an ass.”
Well, my tactile senses don’t work via the web so I can’t verify what you feel like, sorry.
No biggie at all – I wasn’t the least bit torqued.
To address your question PJM, I’m not going to address it. Those kinds of questions, regardless of the answer, fall into the same murky territory of “does this inner tube make my butt look fat?” or “So you’re pregnant – when are you due?” I’m not suggesting you are either one, but certain questions trigger fight/flight response automatically in males and regardless of whether or not I’ve met you, I don’t touch that type of question.
Air hanky… gotta remember that.
Fought forest fires for a few summers and “air hanky” as you call it was about all you had time for at times. And no, that’s not the image you want your family to have of you when (God forbid) you shuffle off this mortal coil.
McGoo… THAT was the answer? That link was the answer? For the love of dog, what was the question? I’m still blinking.
- LK
February 16, 2008 at 10:26 pm
There’s plenty of answer in that photo for everyone.
Ya know what really puzzles me about that photo?
Everything, that’s what.
But especially that li’l rats tail she’s got hanging down below her booty. What the fiddly fuck is that?
But I’m convinced she’s readying herself to Gak the Air hanky. What else could she be preparing for?
February 16, 2008 at 10:30 pm
I just finished installing two new ceiling lights in my neighbors kitchen and dining room. She went shopping again. She’s a milf. Very distracting.
They plied me with drink – Beam & coke – so I’m snozzled a bit and will not be sleeping this night. Rats.
Maybe if I sober up in time I could go abuse some Goths at Denny’s. It’s been ages, it seems….
I have a new trick for them….
February 16, 2008 at 11:54 pm
“So you’re pregnant – when are you due?” .
Me of all people, a mom of four was actually stupid enough to do that to someone. I felt so bad. Her face was so red,but she was just sooo skinny everywhere else. If she wasn’t pregnant she had an eight pound tumor.
It just sucks because now I can’t ever go to the Starbucks by my house. I have to freaking drive two miles away.
February 17, 2008 at 6:20 am
I had a fifth-grade teacher who got fatter and fatter. But no one would come right out and ask of she was preggers. She was.
February 17, 2008 at 10:59 pm
PJM –
“drive two miles away”
NOW who’s talking about guilt issues?
I know the feeling. It’s ok if the person is a turd but if it’s someone nice and you just squash them it don’t feel good.
LOOK OUT! Steamboat’s talking “Goth Hunting” again! (hushed silence falls and a tumbleweed slowly rolls by) Why, pray tell, would you want to sober up prior to that? Some of the best assholery occurred to me while lit.
- LK