‘Teeth People’ Standard Reference Going To Prison!
Holy sheep shit!
My Hero Wesley Snipes - shown above with his magnificent solar-powered choppers - is in the soup, folks! He’s toast! And he was my bestest Teeth People! He was the standard to which all others were measured! Harrumph!
He was prosecuted for income tax evasion - he owed a cubic shitload of money that’s mentioned in this article I didn’t read - and the judge didn’t believe for a single instant his excuse that he was too busy fighting vampires to pay ‘em.
Here he is - not smiling - as he prepares to karate-chop his way to freedom after his court appearance. Rats!
The action star of the “Blade” trilogy, “White Men Can’t Jump,” “Jungle Fever” and other films hasn’t filed a tax return since 1998, the government alleged. Snipes - on the other hand - says they just got lost in the mail and that the IRS should just be patient, like millions of expectant refund recipients. Snipes and the IRS still must determine how much he owes, plus interest and penalties. And whether he’s going to shit or go blind. The government alleged Snipes made at least $13.8 million for the three years in question, owing at least $2.7 million in back taxes on them alone.
No filings since 1998, eh? Owes 2.7million bucks? And that just for three of the years in question? Game over, man. Game over.
The above photo is Wesley trying to bid the judge down to two years in the Pokey instead of three. No dice, said the judge! We gotcha now, Smiley!
Well, its gonna be all blue Monday’s for old Daywalker Snipes. Those Florida prisons will definitely make a man cautious about where he showers.
Here’s some filthy pictures. Well - kinda filthy. More of the ‘almost filthy’ variety.
Tags: Teeth People
April 25, 2008 at 5:57 pm
So, while he’s doing his time, do you think he’s gonna get “prison loaf” or “prison wine”? I bet they put him up in the posh resort type place where you’re punished because the only time you can get on the tennis court is the 3:30pm slot. And the masseuse only shows up twice weekly. His apartment may even be less than 1,000 sq. ft. The horrors, the inhumanity.
Arsehole. And how hard was it to pay taxes on the ginormous amount of money he must’ve been making? It’s not like he couldn’t afford an accountant. You gotta be earning some serious bucks to be 2.7M in the hole in TAXES.
April 25, 2008 at 6:55 pm
I’d read elsewhere that he was passively “protesting” the tax system, and believes he really shouldn’t have to pay it.
Hence the judges 3-year sentence smackdown over three misdemeanors.
I also read that Wesley tried to write a $5 million dollar check right there in the court to pay the taxes, but the judge wasn’t having any.
I love it. I can find a new teeth people reference anywhere. Like her:
http://aardvarks.wordpress.com/files/2007/12/milchick_1.jpg
Now she has honorable teeth!
April 25, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Oh! And to answer your question about prison loaf or wine: My personal hope is Wesley gets “Prison Sausage” - lovingly administered each evening by Big Bruce and his mighty “Stink Stick”.
Sorry Wes - can you squeal like a pig?
April 25, 2008 at 9:05 pm
I always picture a big 350lb sweaty guy named “Bubba” who cries himself to sleep every night, using him as a teddy bear.
April 25, 2008 at 9:19 pm
“…using him as a teddy bear.”
Yes - and as a spunk depository. Hee, hee!
I really shouldn’t get down on Wes Snipes so much - but he is a doofus.
April 25, 2008 at 11:02 pm
He’ll do one year - max, in minimum security then the remainder on parole. He will have his own room and handled with kid gloves. He will probably get a book deal out of it (ghostwritten of course). There will be talk of a “reality” series of him during his incarceration. It won’t happen though. During his stay, there will be lots of offers from various studios who want to be the first to sign him up and get him back on the screen asap. It won’t be a “prison” movie because he’ll want to Put that Behind Him. During the last few months he will exercise fairly intensely and come out Looking Very Good (because, you know - the movie.) In that movie he will be a Man Who Plays By His Own Rules but at some point there will be a comparison between the IRS and the monster(s), villian(s) or whatever(s) and he’ll say “I’d rather deal with him/her/them/that than the IRS! They play nasty!!” There will be much chuckling in the theater because Everyone Will Get It.
By the time this is all over he won’t actually be inconvenienced all that much, and if he plays his cards right he’ll emerge even better liked by the public than he is now.
April 26, 2008 at 12:12 am
You aren’t painting a picture of a repentant man, there, Enas.
Justice ain’t blind. Were it any one of us we’d have Gotten The Shaft (and here Everyone Will Get It, I’m sure). Remember poor little rich girl/skank Paris? Oh yeah, she suffered.
I think there ought to be more prisoners doing time like with that warden in Arizona. Pink suits, prison loaf, serious labor, and cut the BS. Perhaps if Snipes or any other celebrity were to experience true hardship it would be reflected in their lives when they got out. Perhaps it would even make them better at their jobs.
Nah. On to more serious things:
Oh, I’m an asshole, I’m an asshole… have fun at somebody else’s expense… I’m an asshole… whaleskin hubcaps… He’s an asshole…
April 26, 2008 at 4:50 am
Even Ron Perlman and his big, ugly face couldn’t bring me to watch any of the Blade movies. And I don’t mean he came around to my house and said, ‘Hey come and watch a Blade film - you’ll love it. Ah, come on. Come on. Come on…’ in a whiny voice. I mean he was in at least one of them.
I have seen bits and pieces of them though at various times (like when you show up at someone’s house at an impolite hour and scream, ‘You gotta help me man. I’m really hurting!’ and they happen to be watching one of them at the time), and what I have noticed is that Mr. Snipes has an exceptionally fine physique. I’m not sure if that’ll be a hindrance or a help in the clink in terms of, well, being a rape victim. On one hand it’ll make him more ‘pretty’, but on another, it’ll - and the remedial martial artist training he’ll’ve had for the Blade films - make him more of a ruffian.
Anyway, I’ve already spent a few minutes too many thinking about something which is, to all intents and purposes, entirely irrelevant.
You broke the law Mr. Snipes. Take your time (and whatever else) like a big boy.
April 26, 2008 at 6:24 am
All true, guys. Gibby is right in that we’ve spent entirely too much time on Snipes. My fault really - I was scraping the bottom of the barrel for a post.
The only concern I have is who should be the Teeth People poster child from now on. No ex-cons allowed.
I’m thinking of putting a li’l “teeth people” photo in a widget permanently on the front page. Or I could make it a “Teeth people” of the week kind of thing.
I’m taking suggestions, so keep your eyes peeled for Teeth People with some character.
April 26, 2008 at 10:21 am
I think we all should protest our taxes. Just think about ALL the taxes you pay. We aren’t sitting in any pokey and we are getting poked. By Ted Kennedy and pals. Just picture that tooth-sucking beeyotch, Pelosi cackling over all the flamer votes she can buy. If that doesn’t make your head explode, it should.
April 26, 2008 at 2:03 pm
We can protest all we want but they ain’t gonna listen - for the same reason they won’t outlaw cigarettes: revenue!
April 26, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Good thing they haven’t outlawed cigs, else I’d be a hardened criminal, instead of the practiced ne’er-do-well I am now.
So, McGoo, what kind of pellet armament did you procure? I’ve a few squirrels I’d like to discourage from hanging around, eating my magnolia blossoms.
April 26, 2008 at 2:47 pm
I got me a mighty Crossman model 1088 .177 caliber BB/Pellet CO2 pistol from WallyWorld for the whopping price of $49.95.
That’s pronounced “Pel-lay” ’cause it looks French, and all French should be mis-pronounced.
I picked it because a)it had a multi-shot pellet clip (8-shot) for fast shooting, and b) it has the highest advertised muzzle velocity of anything they had.
I’d love to get one of those fancy German/Euro airguns like Lord Badger, but I can’t justify the cost for a few runnybabbits in the Spring. He has (I believe) a more serious vermin problem, requiring more serious and costly remedies. I’d do the same if I was in his shoes.
April 26, 2008 at 5:26 pm
Pel-lay gun, indeed. Yes wabbits can be a hassle.
I am dreaming up a chain-gun-style gun that shoots the paint-filled airsoft pellets (6mm). If you can find appropriately gross colored paint or glo-in-the-dark paint, you could embarass them pretty good or leave ‘em open to predation. Maybe some pellets like on Modern Marvels that are filled with powdered capsaicin.
Hot cross buns.
The feed mechanism is what is holding me up tho because I’m looking for 300 rounds/min, minimum. Gotta be hopper-fed, not belt-fed. Need a separate air compressor nearby tho. I know someone already probably makes them, but that’s no fun. Of course, I had best check to see if it is even legal to do airsoft in automatic.
April 26, 2008 at 6:08 pm
The kid across the street shoots those airsoft thingys around all the time in the summer. They sting.
Having a 300rpm airsoft weapon would be awesome. I bet an automatic airsoft weapon is legal. But I would check, like you said. With a lawyer - not a cop. A cop will say NO just to be an spoilsport.
Years ago when I was active in reloading, I dreamed up a “Needle” gun, which consisted of separate feeds of - not shitting you - straight pins, al la sewing and cloth work - and rifle primers. The rifle primers delivered gas to propel the straight pins. The mechanism was … complex. Gatling would have been proud.
The rifle primers will deliver about 4 ft-lb/sec of energy, and the straight pins don’t weigh diddly, so the result would be a fairly high-speed stream of needles flying at you.
I never determined how many minutes it would take to deliver a lethal dose of sewing pins, but ya gotta imagine it would really piss a person off.
It was fun playing with on paper (I did run an energy budget on an excel spreadsheet that I think I still have) but went no further.
April 26, 2008 at 11:32 pm
Oh… yes, I know what you mean. Dan Simmons in the “Hyperion” novels refers to them as flechette guns, except the needles came out in groupings. The trouble is that you’re pushing against the pins with some amount of force per unit area from behind to propel them. That means that the actual pressure behind them would have to be quite large, right?
But… the way the author described them was to shave the needles off of a billet of material at very high speed and then propelling them outwards (not sure if by EM methods or what). But you gotta imagine, all those razor sharp shards would make hausenpfeffer pretty damned quick. Mmmmm. Bunny stew… watch out for the shrapnel.
Probably wouldn’t pass Geneva’s requirements to be “humane”. Just imagine the collective coronary the Geneva Convention would have at the prospect of glass-impregnated projectiles. Eeeks. No idea why that came to me. I’m sure someone has done it.
Damn that feed mechanism concept has been bugging me for a long time. It has to feed the airsoft pellets in precisely and rapidly w/o gooshing them.
Have you, perchance, checked out MetalStorm? Got to see one up close in the 40mm version, quad-gun, mounted on a rather speedy Az-El gimbal. Wicked, dude… real wicked.
April 27, 2008 at 4:24 am
Yeah - Metalstorm is cool. Nothing impresses quite like putting a LOT of projectiles in motion at once. Phalanx is another good one.
Oh - yes, the pressure behind a needle would need to be be quite high - 20K lbs/in2 or better. But that’s do-able. A typical 9mm pistol round develops as much as 25-30K lbs/in2 barrel pressure during firing.
April 27, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Oh, btw McGoo, I think I answered a question that has plagued people for centuries and dovetails into your header’s tagline - which comes first, chicken or egg? Posted it today. (amazing how I only just noticed now that your tagline changed - duh)
Unfortunately what I posted is just a joke and the reality that we both know is that chicken eggs from from the nether regions of said fowl, as does excrement, urine, and… you know, the Lewinsky stuff.
Chickens and birds are sure one-track creatures.
April 27, 2008 at 5:22 pm
Some more Engrish type stuff!
So many people want to challenge the IRS. Never smart. Never mess with Mrs or IRS, my father says.
April 27, 2008 at 5:45 pm
LK - I suspect very few folks really ‘get’ what is meant by that egg origin tagline. The all-in-one egg/poop/fluids chute is called a cloaca, I believe.
The tagline is from the movie “Galaxina” (1980) and is uttered by Avery Schreiber - who was one of my favorite comedians - before he eats a strange (but ‘authorized’ ) egg, resulting in an ‘Alien’-like birth of a critter.
I change my tagline randomly, when the mood strikes. its been changed for about 1-2 weeks.
Muslihoon - I saved the ‘bar closed’ photo! Good photos all, though!
April 27, 2008 at 6:45 pm
Yes. it is a cloaca but I didn’t want to blow my image and use a word like that. I mean, it’s not an easy word to like, really. Ranks up there with booger in my brain for some reason.
April 27, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Yep. It’s an all-purpose chute, both an entrance and an exit. I don’t want to think about it.
* But, it may explain why the sex act is so brief amongst most birds. Who’d want to linger…? *
April 27, 2008 at 9:49 pm
It’s an all-purpose chute…
I did not know that. Or if I did, I suppressed it. Yeech.
**Goes off to wash my eggs in cheap booze.**
April 27, 2008 at 10:22 pm
Yeah, from the nature shows it’s all just flap and tickle. Big whoops, eh?
April 28, 2008 at 12:26 am
So, Enas - is the message in my tagline more significant now?
April 28, 2008 at 4:12 am
Actually about the MetalStorm weapons system: don’t they have a hand-held version too? Someone told me it’s a tri-barrel as well. Any data on that?
-too lazy to google search-
April 28, 2008 at 7:03 am
I saw a hand-held ’something’ on one of the web sites, but laziness overtook me too and I didn’t click on it. You’re probably right.