Drew458 over at Barking Moonbats Early Warning System is covering for me while I recover from the trauma of finding three ticks on that magnificent machine that is my bod. Meanwhile, here is important information for you who planned on celebrating Arbor day but missed it.
Hey! That’s a fly’s eye – as I’m sure everyone knows from the high school science courses they skipped. I borrowed the photo from here - rather than waste long minutes of my time taking a better photo. No sense embarrassing the researcher.
One fact I’m sure all of you don’t know: no one has ever been able to teach a fly to do anything! Did you know that?
Yep. Scientists and circus performers throughout the ages have managed to teach damned near every critter on earth to do their bidding. but not the fly.
And I know why.
The reason a fly will not learn is because every human they see looks like this to a fly:
It’s no wonder they’re so hard to hit.
Now boys and girls, this is a product everyone should enjoy! I’m thinking of giving them away as party favors!
I especially like the Users Manual, which has interesting entries in it like:
Problem: “The device flew out of my ass while I was taking a dump. What’s wrong?”
Solution: Excess gas can cause the device to rocket across the room. Refer to the “Dietary Concerns” section of this manual.
Here is some porn.
Tags: Add new tag, Queef
May 8, 2008 at 1:00 am
[...] have a need for a Twisted Turd (Turd Twister™)I know how to go about it. Just bounce around on his page until you find a blue button thingy with a star on [...]
May 8, 2008 at 1:05 am
I never knew that there was a product out there that could readily manipulate the malleable medium of feces into decorative shapes for pleasure and amusement!
-The “Must-Have Product” for 2008.
That and the RC forklift that was featured over at Lemur’s place.
May 8, 2008 at 7:27 am
The TurdTwister actually dates back to early Mesopotamia during the reign of Arglebargle IV (“The Irrelevant”), who died prematurely when he idly asked the question, “I wonder what it would feel like to have my head stuffed up my ass?” in front of his overenthusiastic palace guard.
May 8, 2008 at 7:37 am
I thought it was the precursor idea that birthed the decoratively-shaped pasta era in 14th century Milano Italy.
-It was such a lovely era…
May 8, 2008 at 8:03 am
Easy insertion my ass. That thing’s got a big circumference.
Mind you, it’s a great idea, and I can’t think why nobody has though of it before. The closest analogue is Play Doh, and the biggest problem with that is that kids just end up eating it. And by golly, they won’t eat their own bunkies. Well, unless they’re all like that one kid at school.
Love Turd, Lightning Turd, Lucky Turd – all respectable pet names.
May 8, 2008 at 8:39 am
You could very well be right, Old iron. It would have fit right in with the pre-renaissance period. My memory could very well be addled by my recent tick encounter.
Gibby! The TurdTwister is really intended for younger users – who allegedly have stretchier assholes than us adults.
I had my eye on that Lightning Turd also. Subsequently sliced into “lightning” strips resembling bolts, it would form a lovely garnish on snack trays.
May 8, 2008 at 9:31 am
You know, if I were a fly and everything looked like that to me, I’d lie patiently until someone could go get the flyswatter Maybe buzz a little to get their attention.