This – boys & girls – is my new gas can! Yay!
Below is another view:
And another:
Look up above at all that mechanical shit in there! I had to pay for all that! I bet it tripled the cost of the can.
Here is a closeup of the warning page:
Now, you can enbigggen the photo by clicking – as I left mickle pixels (Heh – another funny) in there for your reading enjoyment.
That first section on the left with the green background states in no uncertain terms that I should never use gas to start a fire.
Well, I fully intend to violate that rule.
Then it says that before I use it I need to set it upright (like it was tipped over prior to my use?) and operate the lever to “burp” it before pouring it.
Well, it seems to me that any pressure buildup present would simply help propel the gas (diesel) that I’m going use to start a fire on brush piles out of the can faster and in a more neat, fun way. It stands to reason.
So I’m gonna break that rule, too.
Just in case I missed the first rule, they print it again in near-unreadable lettering embossed directly into the can plastic – shown below:
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Finally, here is the extra bit they include with the can:
The flip side of that cap thingy says – firmly! – that I should not use it to seal the can.
Then what’s it for? I don’t dare remove the lever spiggot and snap this thingy onto the threaded orifice – it might inadvertently seal the can!
And if I simply attach it there and then re-install the lever spiggot, it’ll just be one more thing to dangle there and get in the way of proper gas can utilization?
I wonder what it’s for? It could be snapped over the the ultra-short spiggot to seal it, but if it needs sealing, what’s the lever and valve there for?
And why is that spiggot so fucking short? Does a longer spiggot give Liberals some kind of spiggot penis envy, or sumpin? I bet it does!
Anyway, below is the dove pigeon(?) that’s been sitting deep in my driveway tree on a pile of dead twigs for weeks. I don’t know why. Probably hiding from the law.
June 19, 2009 at 1:23 pm
Maybe it’s related to the seal that says it’s okay to use your new can in California.
It’s just another cobblestone in the road to hell, McGoo.
June 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm
pigeon egg omelets for breakfast!!!!
June 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm
Are you going to use the new gas can to set the dove on fire?
June 19, 2009 at 2:20 pm
xbrad! Good idea! I could load up my shotgun, hit it mid-flight while it’s burning, and it would be done by the time it hit the ground!
Yum.
And I’ll save the eggs for breakfast, MC!
Gnus – If I’d known my g-can was approved in Ca, I wouldn’t have bought it!
Meanwhile, check out my next post.
June 19, 2009 at 2:31 pm
You sure that can’s not Japanese? Those incromprehensible directions and warnings sound a lot like those that accompany the bikes, scooters and “some assembly required” crap that drives me into a hammer weilding rage at around 2 a.m. each Christmas and birthday.
June 19, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Heh! Cbullitt – Years ago, I finally learned to NEVER offer to put “some assembly required” items together for friends around Christmas and birthdays. I used to love it when I was very young, but I – like you – soon learned that on that road lies madness. Madness!
I can’t believe it actually says, “don’t use gas to light fires”.
Yeah – and don’t use food to quell hunger, either.
If God hadn’t wanted us to use gasoline to light fires, he wouldn’t have made it inflammable! I mean – He obviously didn’t want us to burn water – lest we set the ocean on fire or sumpin. So he made it inflammable. See? It’s all very clear.
June 19, 2009 at 2:50 pm
And why does inflammable mean flammable but intolerable mean NOT tolerable?
That has always secretly pissed me off no end. Fucking language.
You know why the language is so fucked up? Just look who has – historically – been in charge of it. Yeah – you got it. Liberal English Profs in sequestered universities.
Asstards.
June 19, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Your logic is inscrutably unargueable.
June 19, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Who can argue with that, Gnus!
Being inscrutable makes me itch, though.
June 19, 2009 at 9:41 pm
Next time you’re down Mexico way, pick up some gas cans there. They still sell the steel kind with the flexible metal spout inside the cap. And they also have the regular plastic cans with the plain long plastic spout. Both for about $1.50.
You can also fill them with leaded gasoline while you’re there. Funny how Mexico doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about pollution or Kyoto or Global Warming or any of that crap. But then, neither does most of the rest of the world.
Safety cans – you can keep them.
PS – it’s probably illegal to put diesel in a red Gasoline can. Don’t you need a blue one or a green one or something for diesel?
June 19, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Yup, you need a yellow can for diesel. Take the red one back and exchange it, as the gas jockeys are probably prohibited from letting you put not-gasoline in that can.
One more way the nanny state is sticking it’s nose in. As if the “pollution” from gas cans amounted to diddly-do.
June 20, 2009 at 2:37 am
Damn! I didn’t know that, Drew! A yellow can? That’s the first I ever heard of it.
I guess that’s why there were yellow ones right there next to the red ones.
What are the blue ones for? Essence of Space Twat? Whiskey?
I’ll just keep the red one – you can’t have too many fucktard cans, after all! – and I’ll get a yellow one next trip.
Maybe I’ll try putting diesel in it just to see if the locals give a shit. Bet they don’t.
This’ll be the first time I’ve ever operated the diesel pump! Do I have to bow to the east first, or sumpin? Clue me in….
June 23, 2009 at 10:05 pm
Blue is for kerosene. I thought everybody knew that.
I have no idea how to work a diesel pump. I drive an American car. Here in NJ, we just wave the cans at Apu, and he fills them for us. Us Jerseyites ain’t allowed to fill our own gas tanks and cans ya know. by law!
June 24, 2009 at 6:45 am
Now I know what the Anal Retentive Chef designs in his spare time.
I say go to an antique store & buy an old gas can.
June 25, 2009 at 3:15 pm
Hahahah
Liberals have tiny pee-pees and envy the spigot! YOU my friend are a COMIC GENUIS!
Maybe all that is to keep your half-wit kids from setting themselves on fire. No children left behind!
June 26, 2009 at 6:53 am
Drew – blue is for kerosene? Rats. I was hoping it was whiskey.
July 4, 2009 at 7:29 pm
that second pic makes me think you could somehow adapt it as a sex toy….
July 4, 2009 at 8:01 pm
You could be right, n-myra. I was thinking “musical instrument” though. It ought to make a vaguely Kazoo-like sound, yes? Or a deep oompah oompah sound?
I could serenade my next love….or the neighbors cattle!