Just. Look. At. This.
Now pay attention to me, boys and girls!
That is an 18-inch ruler! Not one foot!
And:
You can enbiggen it to check my veracity – which is probably a wise thing to do.
That fucking snakeskin is over 4 1/2 feet long.
I was out tending to one of the thousand things I need to be tending to, when I spotted the skin before it crawled away!
I’m gonna make something out of it! Maybe a condom! Hell, I bet I can make maybe TWO condoms! Then if I am ever foolish enough to resume dating, I’ll be ready!
June 19, 2009 at 2:39 pm
Notice (if you enbiggen) that the ruler in the first photo is placed right at the tail end. The tail tapers very gently to a very fine point, but it visible in two of the shots.
I suspect that this is the former epidermis of the monstrous King snake that lives in the railroad pile near the barn – and which is responsible for me NEVER seeing a mouse in there in the entire 11 months I’ve lived here.
I’ve also noticed that the two squirrel couples living here on McGoo Acres NEVER go over to that woodpile. They scamper everywhere else; I’ve watched them a lot. But. Never. Over. There.
I can’t imagine why….
June 19, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Let’s go poke it with a stick and then throw an M-80 at it.
June 19, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Or tie a bottle rocket to it. Snakeskin in Space!
It would look like one of those whizzing party favors!
Ya know, it was still soft and flexible. I bet it was shed today.
June 19, 2009 at 3:38 pm
I just read that Black snakes (or Black Rat snakes) get to be as much as 8 feet long.
Hell – that one I found is only half-grown. Sheeee-it.
June 19, 2009 at 3:38 pm
McGoo – Soon as the sun warmed him up most likely.
June 19, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Heat weakens latex and increases the chance that the condom will break. Denise Dating
June 19, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Better your place than mine.
June 19, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Yeah, I bet you’re right.
I’ve seen part of him (never the whole snake) out there on the railroad tie pile occasionally – usually in the mid-morning. But he’s really canny – I can’t get closer’n about 50 feet or he ducks and runs into the interior of the pile. It might be my deodorant.
I bet he warmed himself up this morning over there where the morning sun hits, and then did his shedding thing.
June 19, 2009 at 4:27 pm
Denise – that’s why we should make them out of snakeskin!
You’re right, Reg. So long as the snake stays down there near the barn I have no problem with it.
June 19, 2009 at 4:29 pm
With the last two titles, you have reasserted yourself as among the titans of the hyperverse–not to be confused with Zombies of the Stratosphere.
This one, as evidenced by Denise, has achieved the desired result.
I bow to your genius.
June 19, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Titles are important, CB!
See Mrs. Boxer in the news.
I was wondering where Denise came from and what was on her mind. But no matter – it’ll all become clear in the fullness of time. Which really doesn’t make any sense at all. But – again – no matter.
It’s important to add just the right amount of stupid to a title – to give it that certain zing, that special style, that …well, that désirez souffler une bulle de bubblegum juste comme vous êtes électrocuté – if you know what I mean.
June 19, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Je pense. Donc, je suis géni
June 19, 2009 at 6:23 pm
That’s right! Us geni have to stick together.
June 19, 2009 at 9:50 pm
Better “geni” than Djinn!
June 19, 2009 at 10:36 pm
McGoo, Daver found their home base–they are brazen.
http://www.ruiningtheinternet.com/2009/06/gps-says.html
June 20, 2009 at 2:54 am
Well, ya know what me dear ol’ Gran’ Pappy (Scuttlebutt McGoo) always said, cb:
“If ye be Clousta Twatt, then ye be Near ta’ Heaven!”
MCPO – I wouldn’t want people rubbin’ on my bottle all the time!
June 20, 2009 at 10:05 am
Recalling those “Most Interesting Man in the World” ads you liked, check these out–I hadn’t seen any of them.
June 20, 2009 at 10:24 am
Ya know, it seems to me that Denise is sayin’ that ya shouldn’t roll a condom on yer weiner and then stick it out in the sunshine. Or stick it in the oven, or hold it over a hot stove eye…
Far as I’m concerned, she needn’t worry.
Saaaaayyy…. Like CAKE? Then don’t click this. Your birthday celebration will never be the same if ya look.
June 20, 2009 at 10:27 am
I liked the tyrannosaur one best!
I think the best line in one of those “most interesting man” things is, “He can speak French…in Russian.” That is just weird enough to please the snot out of me.
June 20, 2009 at 10:29 am
I certainly wish history had something to teach us about how seriously we ought to take aerial threats against Hawaii by insane oriental governments.
I lol’d.
Via Tam.
June 20, 2009 at 10:34 am
That was one of the more perverted things I’ve seen in quite a while, Gnus!
Thank you.
I haven’t figured out if Denise is just a ‘bot response to the key word condom, a real person making an odd, oblique comment, or what.
But I’m not gonna waste time worrying about it. She could settle the whole thing by responding to our musings.
June 20, 2009 at 10:37 am
Tam is wise.
June 20, 2009 at 11:24 am
Yeah, the “he speaks French…in Russian” is the best line in the bunch.
June 20, 2009 at 11:37 am
My pleasure, McGoo. They were talking about it on The Bob and Tom Show, and of course, I thought of you.
Saturdays I have to go East, which is closer to the station that broadcasts Bob and Tom, so I can usually hear the weekly “best of” show, but some days it seems the atmosphere is just not right. Or something. For those days I’ve found a station in Idaho that streams the show, so I don’t miss anything. Just browse to the page, and Presto!
June 20, 2009 at 12:31 pm
Gnus – I would pay money to get a copy of their famous French “Surrender” perfume spoof commercial. God, it was funny. I had it bookmarked forever on their site, and then it stopped working.
CB – I also like the shit-eating grin he’s wearing as he steals the fox away from the hunt – even though IMHO it’s slightly “out of character” for the character portrayed. The Most Interesting Man In The World would never feel it appropriate to wear a shit-eating grin. And he would never eat shit – ever! – anyway.
They are truly funny ads.
June 20, 2009 at 4:13 pm
McGoo, the Surrender Cologne bit is on Bob and Tom’s Camel Toe CD which is available from Amazon, and probably other places. I found (Google) where ya can listen to it, but I don’t see a download without loading up a torrent thingie.
June 20, 2009 at 4:21 pm
I may need that CD, Gnus! Thanks!
June 20, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Gimme a bit and I’ll try to find it for you…
June 20, 2009 at 9:37 pm
I couldn’t find this a Break.com so check it out over at Just Whatever, where I saw it. Pretty cool.
http://www.just-whatever.com/2009/06/20/cool-stop-motion-post-it-wall/
June 20, 2009 at 9:46 pm
McGoo, this is one of the first days in quite some time that one of my “news” posts is outpacing the snoochers. And I thought no once noticed it when I posted it. Apparently people are not happy with judge Edmunds.
June 20, 2009 at 10:00 pm
Well this might explain it. I’ve never been the first Google reference before.
http://www.google.com/search?q=U.S.+District+Judge+Nancy+Edmunds&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a
June 20, 2009 at 10:15 pm
The Google commies have already moved me to 2nd, but it was fun while it lasted.
June 21, 2009 at 3:47 am
It’s good to make your mark – so-to-speak – on the world, CB! It’s another of “you’ve arrived” moments!
I made mine with the expression “Temptation: Thy name is poop chute” back last year. And – no – it is not a personal reference. It’s an observation that – historically – Man’s humor has as often as not dwelt overly much on bodily functions, orifices, and their uses or emanations in general.
June 21, 2009 at 3:51 am
BTW: I clicked on it just to add to your recorded traffic from Google!
I suggest that all of my readers – yes, all 6 of you! – do the same!
It will protect you from Space Twats for several hours, and – if you’re presently in a bar – will get you a free pickup flirt and crotch rub from the local barbait babe. Just tell her you want the Hillary Special!