Sheriff Joe At The Party

Who invited him?

You gotta see this. I’m not even gonna lift a pic to tease you.

Really, go see.

You’ll be sorry when everybody else has seen it.

Sometimes There’s Just Nothing Left To say

Tales from the emergency room …

• When attempting a self-circumcision do not use dry ice to numb the area… and when the dry ice sticks to the… a…. area, do not attempt to remove the ice with boiling water.

• Oh if you come in with a salsa jar in your rectum, don’t give the staff a fruit cake as a thank you present.

• Never, ever leave flashlights, shampoo bottles, beer bottles or any long, circular object on the floor because someday you will fall on it and it will somehow, work its way up your rectum.

• Unfortuantely [sic] I can beat that…..In Australia I saw a 38 year old GREATgrandmother. She was there with her 12 year old grandchild who was about to give birth. The grandmother was too drunk to come in, she was 25. When I first saw the 12 year old with her big belly I thought she had asistes and said to one of the attending–”oh, that poor kid with liver failure, why do they have her on the maternity ward!”
  
• Do not continue to hump a girl at a party once it’s clear that the zipper is causing some major irritation….but do be proud that that’s the reason for the irritation

• No matter how badly constipated you are, a vodka enema is not a good idea.

• Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto bismol.

Found at Student Doctor in the forums.

Via Les Jones

Sooner Or Later, Everybody Posts A Recipe

Here’s one of my breakfast favorites …

.

Sure, I know what you’re thinking. That ain’t no recipe. That ain’t cooking.

Oh yeah?

You have to open the box and take out the container. Then you have to lift the plastic at one corner of each food item. Carefully. Can’t just rip the whole plastic cover off.

Then, and this is the tricky part, you stick it in the microwave for two minutes.

When that dings, you remove it from the microwave. Now you have to stir the eggs. Which means you have to lift the rest of the plastic over them.

Now you stick it back in the microwave for another minute.

When that dings, it’s ready.

But first, you have to let it sit for a while, as it’s hot.

Dig in.

Close enough to cooking for me.

This’ll Get Your Day Off To A Good Start

Like Hiring A Personal Trainer That’s Morbidly Obese

Your government officials in action …

Ya can’t make this stuff up.

The real estate market …

Via Instapundit.

Fueled By Beer And Stuff, A Fight Breaks Out In The Infield

Guess what I listened to this morning.

What? Not gay? Who knew?

Larry Wilmore On Gatesgate

Larry Wilmore on the Daily Show